A year after my divorce, I graduated college with high honors, two bachelor's degrees, and a career job waiting for me in Denver. I DID IT. I proved to myself that “my life was not over” and I had the bright future I wanted for myself, it just looked a little different, including my sexual identity as I moved forward in pursuing a serious relationship with a person I had known since I was 13. To be honest, our relationship shocked us both, yet we never doubted it. We were each other’s puzzle-piece person.
I moved forward knowing my coming-out story was going to be traumatizing, not for me, but for my family. I walked into that conversation knowing I would need to choose compassion over and over again. I’d face all types of questions and concerns, mostly having to do with my belief system. I knew this would be something they would never agree with and I was ok with that. No matter what came up, I stayed open. Not for one movement, did I judge my family, because I knew no matter how the conversation went, it was because they loved me, they cared about me, and they cared about my salvation.
If I learned anything from the way they processed my pregnancy announcement, it was to give them time. So, I gave it to them, because I loved them for who they were, not who I wanted them to be.
Slowly, little by little, human conversations were had. I say human because “right or wrong” were no longer present, just love. I won’t act like coming out didn’t change my family. Boundaries on both sides were drawn and it took years to build the trust we have today. But, I “let it begin with me.” “Let it begin with me” is a principle to live your life by when in the recovery of Al-Anon. It serves as a reminder and an action. At this point in my life, it was to love others unconditionally.
I was barely 24 years old and had what felt like a lifetime of experiences. What I learned from them was that I was NOT a victim. Life did not happen TO me, it happened FOR me when I chose to listen, and that is the foundation of my coaching program today.
I share my story as a reminder that we ALWAYS have a choice in the matter. We are not victims to our lives when we choose not to be. Again, not easy, but worth it. The road is more challenging at times when deep self-reflection is needed and I won't lie that it takes grit but know you are not alone on this journey and the lessons you gain will change your life for the better.
My life lessons opened my eyes to the real world around me; specifically, its beliefs about women in general, women’s sexualities, women as business professionals, women as mothers and wives, and women as objects. What I repeatedly found was more and more people, even other women, telling me what I could and couldn’t do because I was a woman. I remember the judgment I would get for being a young mother, wanting to finish school or god forbid taking a night to go out with friends. I remember being called entitled for wanting more pay and told to wait my turn while the less experienced male got the higher positions I applied for. I remember when a boss took credit for my hard work because it would “look better” for the company. I remember every time I was asked to smile more and talk less. My personal favorites were all the times I was asked about my credentials to prove my worth in a conversation. I remember every single one.
I also remembered my choice in the matter, and no one could take that away from me. The more I stood in that choice, the more I wanted to teach other women how to do it, with just as much power and grace. So that is what I started doing.
So, to answer the question, “Why do you only coach women?” is because it’s my choice. I do it for myself, I do it for my son, I do it for the woman sitting next to me on the bus, and I do it for all the women who were defined by others and told no, just like I was. Mostly, I do it to help other women find the freedom I have today. One conversation at a time, leading by example, I “let it begin with me.”
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